Others actually find phrases like “passed away” or “lost” to be more painful. I am so, so sorry.
Having come to know grief on a personal level over the last few years, i’ve learned that when it it is time to comfort a grieving person, people just do not know what to say or do.
What not to say to a grieving mother. Non active, not telling anyone what to do; “it gets better…or not.” every grieving person has their own timeline, but it may not help to hear unsolicited advice about. As difficult as it is navigating through the grieving process, expressing condolences is even more challenging.
Some parents won’t want to say or hear that word, preferring instead phrases like “passed away” or “passed on”. “at least you still have ________________ (one, him, her, them).”. Admitting can’t make it better;
We sort of stutter around and try to navigate the awkwardness of it all because, in most of our lives, we just try to hide grief or deny it. Plants, craft projects for kids, grief kits, books, etc., there are dozens of inexpensive ways to support your grieving friends. Don’t say “it may have been a blessing in disguise” or “it might have been for the best.” that is not what a grieving mother wants or needs to hear.
You might not know how to process death and think that nothing you can say will make them feel better. She kept her gaze into my eyes as i sobbed…. Not my mother or my sister or his friends.
“by comparing grief to other people’s grief, you are devaluing the emotions behind how a person is mourning,” she said. They are in a better place now. Don't say you know how the bereaved parent feels.
Instead of asking if the griever wants something just give it or be quiet. “your dad was a wonderful man.”. “learn to live in acceptance of the loss, not in spite of the loss.”.
They may not have suffered long but they are still unjustly, unfairly gone. Someday tell his children that. You might not know what to say to express the sorrow that you're feeling.
Do not compare the life of one child to the lives of surviving children. Again, take your cues from the griever. Zoe clews also notes that following the tragic loss of a baby, you might 'one minute be poleaxed by it.
(the mother’s arms are the safest place to be for a baby. You might think that giving them space during this time is the best thing to do. Here are the things never to say to a bereaved mother/parent.
Please know that you’re not alone in your grief.” “i know that grief is hard to bear when you’ve lost someone in such an unfair way.” “if love could have saved [name], he/she would have lived forever.” what to say when a father or mother dies “i’m so sorry to hear about your mom/dad.” Don’t use them as a crutch because you don’t know how to process the level of grief and pain that a parent is feeling. Yet, the opposite is true.
Don’t say “at least you know you can get pregnant.” The very best thing to say is not to say anything but give a sincere hug or a warm shoulder. Realise that grief comes in waves and is different for everyone.
It's not uncommon to pull away from your loved one. Just writing, “i am so sorry for your loss…” could go a long way. Please, refrain from telling the griever that you’ll be there when you know you won’t.
Finally, let the griever alone if you can not give real love! “she’s just made a change of address”. Never say, it must have been for the best, or it was god's will. you can not make sense of loss in these ways.
It was so powerful just being “witnessed.”. No one was grieving my father’s death the way i was; You don’t know how they feel.”.
She says the best way to be supportive is to bring meals and give hugs and just listen, not to ask 'what can i do for you?' lucille says grieving mothers will rarely ask for help since they are mostly lost in their own world of loss. This won't provide comfort to grieving parents, who are in the worst place. As a last note, be careful about what terminology you use regarding death.
“and although many of us are grieving at this time, making it a community experience does not bring comfort to someone.” Never say the child is in a better place. And, as a mother, knowing my son touched your life is everything.
Don’t avoid a grieving parent just because you don’t know what to say. She says it is more important to remember what not to say than to try to think of something sweet to say. Supportive, but not trying to fix it;
Being present is the best gift of all. Not asking for something or someone to change feelings; What not to say to grieving people.
Don’t do that if you genuinely care. You don't have to spend a lot of money, and flowers are overrated. These kinds of statements can make the parents feel like you're minimizing their child's death.